The Silent Killer

Sadness is like a silent killer. You'll know it's there and even though it won't cause you any physical pain, you'll be dying on the inside and then one day it will take over you completely till there's nothing left anymore to be happy about.

I have been there and in fact, at some point of time in their lives, everyone has or will have to. I mean I look at people around me and I see them crying over stupid things and it suddenly makes me feel as if I'm the strongest person considering the fact that I never cry, no matter what. But I have realized that every person has a different way of being sad. Of saying goodbye. Of letting go.

Back for Real

I am sorry for being gone for such a long time. I tried to be more regular but couldn't find time from studies and other stuff. I missed this blog terribly and this time I swear I am back and it's not gonna be just for one post. I have decided a schedule for posting on Still So Weird. I will be posting four times in a month between Friday and Sunday every week so that you guys can have something to read for the week. I have replied to all the pending emails and it took me exactly nine hours to do so but you can still e-mail me if you want to and I'll try to reply as soon as possible. Sorry again for being M.I.A.

love,

Anonymous Blogger

Dear John

Blogger's Note: I'm really sorry for the delay but I was really busy in the past two months so I couldn't write at all. I'll try to get regular and post more often. I'm sorry for also not replying to all your e-mails. My inbox is practically flooded with them. I'll try and reply soon but it's gonna take some time.

Disclaimer: This letter is an extract from the collection of letters I never sent. I know writing letters in twenty-first century seems stupid but this is one thing which I take comfort in. I usually write my feeling or things that I want to say but I don't in letters and keep them in a box, under my bed. I am posting this letter because it means a lot to me. The name of the recipient in the following letter has been changed to John.

Dear John to be Posted on October 15, 2013!

Uninspired Skygazing

So there is another of my old forgotten habit. Just something I used to do as a kid and it's called skygazing. Yeah, I know it is a bit right-out-of-the-chick-flick type but I don't mind. I kinda love staring into the sky and imagining clouds to be angel hair or ice-cream castles. So the other day I was skygazing and turns out, I could no longer picture candy clouds or ice-cream castles. All the clouds just looked like extra large popcorns to me. I know that it shouldn't have been a big deal but loosing my old creative kid self was kind of a slap of reality on my face.

Coming Soon: Dear John

Well, I saw  the awesome response you guys gave to This Girl, That Guy. My inbox is already flooded with long emails from all you guys, filled with demands for another such post and I just think a new themed post would be great at this point of time.  It's called Dear John. Have a look at its new unofficial trailer.

Unspoken

I hate people who babble a lot. Like those people who keep going on and on without thinking what they are saying. Either they're always cribbing, telling stories or throwing random shit out of their mouth. They don't know when exactly they end up hurting someone by their words. And then I also hate people who are just way to quiet (count me in that group). They just hide so much and pretend so much that you cant tell whats on their minds and hearts. I don't know why they do that. Maybe because they think that they might just say the wrong thing and might just end up hurting someone. They're just afraid of having regrets in their life.

Somewhere in the Middle

Sometimes I wish that things in this world were either black or white. No, not color wise, but more like nature wise. Like good or bad, wrong or right, false or true and yes or no. You know, sometimes you find yourself standing in a situation where you cant understand if the choice you made is right or wrong. It's not black or white, its a shade of grey. You can't exactly regret it and you cant completely be proud of it. It sucks, right? I know it does. Sometimes, I wish the world was a little less complicated than it already is. No compromises.

Been a Year Now

It's great to know that it has been one year and Still So Weird is doing really well and most of all, I haven't stopped writing. When I started this blog, for the first few months, it was nothing other than a dead blog with my inscrutable emotions vented out. Now it something more than that and I love it. I cant thank all the viewers enough for liking the stuff I write and constantly reminding me that my weird sense of seeing things makes sense.

...and I smiled

So I was just thinking that its time for another list.
I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things that somehow have the charm to make me feel awesome.  This one's about a long list of little things that make me smile. Well, not exactly smile, but yeah, these are the things which kinda make me happy when I'm a mess.

Castle of Cards

As a child, I remember building the castle of cards. For those who don't know what it is, a castle of cards is a structure created by piling up and balancing playing cards on one on top of another. I remember, everytime when I was just about to place the final card to complete my castle, the whole structure used to collapse. Its not like I couldn't ever make a complete castle of cards but just that even when I completed it, all it took was a single blow of air to ruin everything. This post is not about my experiences with building a card castle, but instead its about how fragile happiness is. Just like a Castle of Cards.

Crossing Path

Everybody makes mistakes. No one saw mine coming. And there I was, struggling in a whole lot of shitty mess. I didn't know what to do and I was lost with no directions. I decided to run away from it. I decided to forget it and lock it in the dark corners of my mind which I don't cross that often. Everything was going perfectly fine just before the day my mistake stood in front of me, crossing my path.

Homesick

Okay so I'll tell you the story of how my perfect summer got ruined. 

I was having a comfortable and relaxing week at my home. I woke up late and relaxed the complete day. I was also completing the novel that I have started writing. Everything was going just fine before my mom forced and sent me to my Aunt's place. It would take an eternity for me to describe how horrible this place is so I will not waste your time and will just let you know that this place is killing me. It's just been about twenty-four hours since I've been here and I'm already homesick.

Remember Sunshine

I love the mornings when I'm awakened by the summer light straining through the windows and falling on my face. I love the days when I can go and look at the swirling shades of blue slow dancing in the sky. I love the days when I can sit by the window and hear the summer breeze whispering in my ear. I love the days when I can walk on beaches under the sun. I love those endless strolls on the soft sand in the summer heat.

This Girl, That Guy

If this stuff is new to you please read that guy and this girl.
Make sure to check out the unofficial trailer as well at- Still So Weird: This Girl, That Guy

I do not believe in the idea of soul mates and love at first sight but  I do believe that a very few times in your life, if your're lucky enough, you might meet someone who is perfect for you. Not because you are perfect or he is but because somehow you both along with your flaws make perfect sense together.

If he was a guns and roses heartbreak song then she was a Carrie Underwood love song. He built walls around himself and she cared enough to shatter them. He felt deeply for her but she was always afraid to confront what she felt. I never knew that there were so many kinds of loves, or that love could make people do so many different things. This is their story.  A love like no other............

The Choice

You know I sometimes find it funny when people say stuff like "That bitch ruined my day" or "He's the reason for all my problems". I simply don't get them. I don't get how we go around blaming everyone else for our sorrows, problems and failures when the truth is that being happy is the choice which we make for ourselves. You know, once somebody told me that there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who lie alone in their beds and cry themselves to sleep, and those who dance in the rain and live in the moment. What I have come to understand is that we can always choose which one we wanna be.

Turn This Around

Give a little time to me,
We'll burn this out.
We'll play hide and seek
to turn this around

Written in Stars

I was never the person who believed in destiny or fate. You would have never found me wishing upon shooting stars and crossing fingers on 11:11. I was never that kinda girl. Maybe thats why, one fine day when I was wondering and helplessly hoping for something great to happen, I started to calculate the possibility of that event. Unfortunately the possibility of that event's occurrence was one-in-a-million ( and when I say one-in-a-million, I literally mean it!) . So logically I shouldn't have hoped for anything or taken any risks but this one time something in the back of my mind forced me to take a chance on that one in a million possibility. Guess what? I was left surprised again. 

Wish I had Known

I have made stupid mistakes in my life. Like tons of them and I have done things that I regret , Some of them are little things which didn't affect me that badly and some are big ones which changed everything in my life.  All through my experience up till now, I have made a list of things I wish I had known before.

Coming Soon: This Girl, That Guy

So I've got like exactly 174 emails with people telling me how much they loved the posts,  This Girl and That Guy and that's why I thought of a great idea to surprise  those people.

My Name is Trouble

So I know people who always manage to dodge troubles in their lives. They have their ways of staying away from problems and honestly people who stick around these kind people always manage to enjoy the same advantages as well. I am opposite to these people. I'm the kind of person who could be described as a magnet to trouble. I always manage to mess things up and stick to trouble. In simple words I can be called the most fucked up person possible. People who know me would definitely know that my name is "trouble". But you know what, I enjoy certain advantages over people who dodge trouble and I guess I'm just proud to live the life I have no matter how much trouble I get myself into.

North of Beautiful

So there's this crazy fact about "the North". I mean, can you believe that in reality, there are actually two Norths. One of them is the true north, which is in the direction of the north pole and then there is the second north which is the magnetic north which shifts towards west about forty kilometers every year. It is easy to use compass to denote the magnetic north, hence, the official north is the magnetic north which is indicated by the magnetic needle of a compass. So you must be wondering, why am I suddenly writing random scientific shit. Well, you'll very soon find out why.

Doors to Close

You know, sometimes after moving far ahead in your life, you feel like you have left something or someone behind. An open door which is supposed to be closed and the problem is that it isn't. We all have these invisible doors in our heads that we leave open for someone or something that is out of  our reach. No matter how far we go, we still cant help but look behind hoping, that someone just walks in through that door. We walk away from someone in the process of moving on but still leave that door open, in hope of getting them back. And with that open door, we leave a part of us behind, standing in front of that door, waiting.

Cigarettes and Chocolates

Ever wondered what's the difference between the wrong people and the right people, you end up falling for? The people you get addicted to and the people you get attached to? The people you want and the people you need? Well, its exactly same as the difference between cigarettes and chocolates. An addiction that you cant abandon and a love you just cant let go off. 

This Girl

 She's beautiful in her simple little ways. She's ordinary but she always makes you feel special. She's not a supermodel but she's got those big pretty eyes and that smile to fall in love with. You can say you're okay without her as much as you want, but admit it, you'll miss her the minute shes gone. She messes up, makes mistake and  always manages to stick with trouble but something about her always pulls you towards her. Like gravity. You'll never know why she made you feel so good and then hurt so bad. 

Fan-made Trailer

3 days ago, I got an e-mail with a fan made trailer for Still So Weird. I'm so excited about the amazing response I've been getting from you guys and thought I should upload this trailer here. Check it out.
About: Still So Weird (Fan-made Trailer)

Thanks!

Look, how ungrateful I am. I didn't even thank so many people who actually taught me so much in life. Well, I should, right? So here it goes, a thanks to people who managed to change my thinking.
Thanks!

One Last Time

I know, it's the Valentine's day and I shouldn't be posting stuff like this but who cares?
You don't know when its the last time you're seeing someone. You don't know when its the last time you're seeing them smile or hearing their voice. You don't know when its the last time you're looking into their eyes and considering yourself lucky to be a part of their life. But when they are gone? That is all you can think about. 

As I've mentioned before, life is very unexpected and it surprises you all the time and today I watched it happen to me. I saw life turn in a way which made me rethink every possibility.

Hate Me?

Dear Haters

Hate me? Well grab a chair and wait for me to care. Its funny how you're always talking about me and I'm like "Damn, I have a fan club". Somebody once told me that haters are just confused admirers. They are one of those people who think that you're better than them. So hey guys, thank-you so much for that. I know that criticizing me is your weird way in which you make yourself feel good about who you are, so I respect your needs. You go through so much trouble talking about me behind my back when you know that I don't give you a shit. Sad, right?

You Just Don't Know it Yet

"Nobody dies VIRGIN

Life FUCKS everyone"

"Why me?"

This is what people say when they land in shitty situations. As if they are the only ones who have ever suffered. Well guys, unfortunately everyone is blessed with troubles, so you're not the only ones. And hey, who exactly survives all that shit?

ALL OF US

 But who exactly deals with it?

ONLY A FEW OF US

My point is that we all go through troubles in our lives. Everybody gets fucked up and everyone breaks. Its nothing new, but only few of us manage to stand up. That differentiates us from those who sit back on the back seat and refuse to try. I think those few people who stand up are strong.

Not Anymore

So many questions
But I'm talking to myself
I know that you can't hear me anymore
Not anymore
So much to tell you
And most of all goodbye
But I know that you can't hear me anymore

Sour Candy Endings

Have you ever tried sour candies? Yeah, I'm talking about those colorful sweet and sour candies you get in the supermarket. They are those sweet sugary candies which abruptly end with a sudden punch of sourness. Its funny that I compare them with the way how some specific things end in our lives. Like you're enjoying the sweetness of something and suddenly the sourness hits. You have no explanations or answers. Just questions and a thought that you were almost there.

Trust you? Again? No thanks

If someone hurts you once, don't be sorry for yourself. You're not at fault. They are. You just didn't know that they were the wrong people to trust. You can be nice enough to forgive them but don't be stupid enough to trust them again. And if someone manages to hurt you twice, then don't blame that person. Blame yourself. You're at fault because this time, you knew. 

Memories of Glass

A few days ago, I used to wish that there was a thing called "brain transplantation" through which I could erase some specific memories. Not that I hated those memories but it was just hurting way too much to remember how perfect something used to be before it got ruined. You cant count me in the people who say stuff like- "Don't be sad that it ended, be happy that it happened". Its serious shit and trust me, I'm not much of a positive thinker. I don't think that looking at a messed up thing and being happy because it was beautiful before can practically be done. Its stupid and impossible.

The Art of Winning a Loosing Fight

I just went through one of the worst days of my life. It was the kind of day when I wish I hadn't woken up in the morning and gone to school. So what exactly ruined my day? Was it me waking up twenty minutes late in the morning? Or was it the unexpected rain in January (guys think of the homeless people...its not pleasant, its cold)? Or was it the ridiculous food from the cafeteria which made me feel sick? Or was it that stupid argument I got myself into? Maybe it was everything but there was one more thing which played the major role in pissing me off today. I don't know if its just with me but when I try to get something done everything in the universe starts working against me.

Sweet Uncertainty

.Life is so uncertain. Isn't it? I mean all along you expect something from it and it keeps surprising you. Every   choice you make and every road you take starts an unexpected chain reaction. There are so many possibilities and so many uncertainties. And at the end, you would always be surprised about how quickly things change.

Strings Attached

Goodbyes can just fuck off because I hate them. They are like a flyleaf of a novel with a sad beautiful tragic ending. The last empty page which keeps reminding me that there is nothing more. Its where  I wish the story would've ended differently or maybe gone on forever. Or maybe the book could have a sequel  .But sadly goodbyes are forever.They're like synonyms to the word "The  End". I can say goodbye to people and things but never to the memories they leave me with. To the little things I want to relive everyday without knowing that its all gonna end someday. Maybe that's why I hate goodbyes.

Sweet Time Erasing You

In dreams, I meet you in warm conversations, we both wake in lonely beds, different cities. And time is taking its sweet time erasing you

That Guy

I' knew a guy once. A guy with a very sad face. I got him wrong the first time. I thought he was a really strong person. I mean not like physically strong but more like emotionally or mentally strong. I had never seen him look scared or hurt or depressed He never really shared much of his problems with anyone and kept his distance from everyone. People who didn't know him thought he was arrogant. Some thought that he was shy or maybe just a little introvert. Others thought he was just 'fucked up'. But deep inside I always knew that he was not even remotely close to what people thought he was. He didn't talk much and never ever let his emotions show on his face. I guess he just built too many walls around himself. Later I found out that he was vulnerable to a lot of things though he never showed it. 

Imperfections

"God knows I'm not perfect either. I've made tons of stupid mistakes, and later I regretted them. And I've done it over and over again, thousands of times; a cycle of hollow joy and vicious self-hatred. But even so, every-time I learned something about myself"

We all have flaws. We all make mistakes. We all have done things we're not so proud of . We all have weaknesses. Don't we? I mean have you ever known someone who has never done anything wrong or who is perfect. If not, then why are we all so hard on ourselves? We all have imperfections or flaws that we tend to over-think about. Why do that? Why change who we really are? Why loose ourselves trying to get better for others? People who really love us or care about us will love us with all our imperfections.

I Almost Do

It takes everything in me not to call you
and I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every-time I don't
I almost do

Bittersweet

Have you ever felt like wanting the same thing you're running from? Have you ever held on to something which is long gone? Have you ever tried to preserve something which had decayed long ago? Have you ever felt that you are taking more than you can get? And you still follow it. You feel guilty when you want it and it chases you if you run from it. That feeling is bittersweet. Its not wrong but its not right either. Its not even something in-between wrong and right. Its just both at the same time. I have heard that we should never blame anyone in our lives because everyone leave us with something to hold on to.

Silence

When you sit in silence long enough, you learn that silence has a motion. It glides over you without shape or form, exactly like water. Its color is silver. And silence has a sound you hear only after hours of wading inside it. The sound is soft, like flute notes rising up, like the words of glass speaking. Then there comes a point when you must shatter the blindness of its words, the blindness of its light

People I cant Stand

Its crazy how some people manage to automatically get me pissed off by just being present around me. I usually call that kinda people arrogant. I mean whats up with that snobby attitude when people think that they are better than everyone. I mean "dude, seriously?? my universe revolves around better things than you so stop thinking that you can control me and please fuck off". I hate the people who think that they can never be wrong and if someone opposes them then they think that that person is trying to talk back.

You

This is not really my poetry. I mean I don't even do poetry (song writing is different) but this one's a poetry from a very special person who requested me to put this up.

If you were a blade of grass
I would explore the earth for you.
If you were a tree
I would seek out every leaf until I found you.
If you were a flame
I would fly to the sun for you.
If you were a drop of water
I would scour the sea for you.
But if you were a star
I would never search for I would always see you,
because you are the brightest star to me

Lets not call it 'Love'

What's so scary when someone starts treating you special?
It's when you get used to it
and you can no longer get it out of your system.
So before it's too late,
you have to set your mind
that sweet gestures are never guarantees.

That is exactly my point but its better explained in form of an incident that once happened. So there was this guy who was looking for something serious and he really liked this girl. That girl was really nice and she treated that guy well and they were good friends but she never really had any feelings for him. The guy was not really perfect (i mean obviously!) and had an image of a pervert. He tried very hard to get this girl to go out with him but it never really happened and there was a time when he was fighting hard to stay friends with her. Out of all this what I realized was that this girl, she never really deserved him. Because she only saw him as a nerd-ish pervert and truthfully he was so much more than that. She just didn't see what was beyond his pervert image.