Dear John

Blogger's Note: I'm really sorry for the delay but I was really busy in the past two months so I couldn't write at all. I'll try to get regular and post more often. I'm sorry for also not replying to all your e-mails. My inbox is practically flooded with them. I'll try and reply soon but it's gonna take some time.

Disclaimer: This letter is an extract from the collection of letters I never sent. I know writing letters in twenty-first century seems stupid but this is one thing which I take comfort in. I usually write my feeling or things that I want to say but I don't in letters and keep them in a box, under my bed. I am posting this letter because it means a lot to me. The name of the recipient in the following letter has been changed to John.

Dear John,

I don't know how to start this letter because I'm always short of words whenever it comes to you. I just can't tell you what a mess I am after walking away without a word. I wanted to say something but didn't have the courage to and moreover I knew that talking to you or even looking at you would make me change my mind.

I bet you wonder about me sometimes and question why I walked away and I bet you don't even know how much I miss you. I miss your smile, I miss your beautiful eyes, I miss the way you used to walk with your hands in your pocket, I miss the way you said hello to me and I fucking miss everything about you. It feels like a part of my heart has been ripped away and some kind of void has occupied that place.

When I first met you, I didn't even think that I'd fall for you but you had your way of knocking me off the ground from the start. I didn't realize when I started falling for you and when you started feeling like home to me. Somewhere between the little fights and pointless conversations, I fell in love with you. It was like I was dreaming and then suddenly I woke up from the lie we were living and realized how much pain I was causing you. It wasn't right and I tried to walk away before but you kept making me change my mind and turn around. This is the reason why I have to do this right now. This is the reason why I have to say goodbye to you.

I'm sorry that this had to end like this but I can't do anything. I can't hurt you anymore and maybe I'm strong enough to say goodbye but I'm also broken enough to look back. It's funny how I can walk right by you and look alright while I'm falling apart on the inside. It's just funny how I can let you go and say goodbye. And the worst part is having to say this goodbye each day when I feel like running back to you. I bet you think I either moved on or hate you because each time that you reach out, there's no reply. I bet it never ever occurred to you that I cant say hello to you and risk another goodbye.

I just wanted you to know, that i didnt say goodbye to hurt you. I said it save you from all the pain which I was causing you. 

Goodbye, 

Anonymous Blogger