Unwitting Happiness

I am going through a rough patch in life right now. Things don't seem to go my way, a lot has changed, pieces don't fall in to place like they used to and over all I feel as if I'm hanging off a cliff.  So, only recently, I started writing a journal. Partly because I wanted to document my feelings but mostly because I needed an outlet for my growing frustration with everything around me.  

And now a month later, when I sat down to read my initial entries, I have come across a startling realization. 

So, a month ago, I wrote an entry about a particularly day. This day was nothing special. In fact it was nothing worth mentioning either. I remember just writing an entry because I was slightly bored. I suppose if I had something better to do, I wouldn't have after all written it.

However, now that I'm sitting here, reading that entry, I realize something. I was happy that day. Like I said, it wasn't a special day. I was just trying to fit into my new routine. Nothing big happened, nothing worth remembering.  Yet this entry flung me back to that moment of normalcy when I was happy without realizing it.

I guess we only realize that we were happy once we lose the feeling. Once the day is over and we remember the little things, that despite not being special, somehow forged a memory worth remembering.  And now that everything has changed, I look back to that day when I was trying to fix everything without realizing that it was already perfect. 

So I have decided that I'm gonna stop trying to fix everything in my life. I get it. Things are not going my way and I feel uncertain and uncomfortable with everything constantly changing around me. Yet I must appreciate the little things, that I may not realize now, but are definitely making me happy. I don't think my life needs fixing. No matter how much I hate everything right now, maybe in the future I'll look back to these days, remembering how everything  was perfect even after being so messed up.